I know the only reason you wanted to be in hospital was because you were in great pain but that you really wanted to be home : you've been in too many hospitals too many times. But Allah, in His Infinite wisdom, placed you there so that we, your family, would spend as much time as we could with you.
I have a thousand and one memories of you during your last days in this world.
I remember, once, you closed your eyes and tears flowed onto your cheeks, as you fought the pain, and I held your left hand and I wept, trying hard not to make any sounds. I thought you could not see me cry because your eyes were closed but you knew, and you put your right hand over mine and you patted it, as if you were saying, "Don't cry, I am all right."
I remember all the text messages you sent me. When I wrote that I was praying for you, you wrote back that you had prayed too, but that you had asked Allah to let you bear the burden of my worries.
When I looked at your grave, my heart ached with pain. I watched your father and your brothers fill it up with earth while Boo and Inah stood near me. I looked at your brothers and counted three sons. Boo was beside me. There are five of you. Where was my fifth son? And then I realised it was you who was missing. I had forgotten you were beneath the mounds of earth.
And I held up my hands and whispered "From You we come, and to You we return. I return to You, O Allah, my son."
Namun Allah S.W.T., Yang Maha Mengetahui, menempatkan Lil disana agar kami, keluarga Lil, dapat meluangkan sebanyak masa bersama Lil.
Mama terkenang satu ketika sewaktu Lil memejam mata dan air mata menitis di pipi Lil, semasa Lil
Mama ingat semua mesej pesanan ringkas yang Lil hantar kepada Mama. Bila Mama mengatakan bahawa Mama telah berdoa untuk Lil, Lil membalas dengan mengatakan bahawa Lil juga telah berdoa dan memohon kepada Allah S.W.T. biarlah Lil yang menanggung semua kebimbangan Mama.
Bila mama melihat makam Lil, hati mama dipenuhi keperitan. Mama masih terbayangkan detik ketika Babah, abang dan adik Lil memenuhkan kubur dengan tanah sementara Boo dan Inah berdiri disisi Mama. Mama memandang kearah abang dan adik Lil, dan membilang hanya tiga anak lelaki. Boo disisi mama. Anak lelaki Mama
Dan pada ketika itu, mama menadah kedua tangan mama dan berbisik, "Sesungguhnya dariMu kami datang, dan kepadaMu jua kami kembali. Daku memulangkan kepadaMu, Ya Allah, anakku."